My Christian Books website – an unexpected lesson.
I know some of you wondered why it was taking me so long to get this new redesigned ChristianBooks.ie completed. I was asking myself the same question.
I never fully shook off the tyranny of the urgent, despite being impacted years ago by the booklet of that very name. I was acutely aware of this of late as I worked on the redesign of my Christian Books website. I let every other urgent task pull me away from this project, despite my best efforts to keep my focus. That is until I read these words by Jason Vallotton:
“I remember feeling anxiety one day so dreadfully that I couldn’t get it to lift … I began to ask the Holy Spirit why I felt anxiety … What He said to me was shocking. He said, ‘You use anxiety as a tool. You’ve partnered with it to help you’. Now, I’m not sure about you, but there is no way on God’s green earth that I want to make anxiety any type of partner of mine. That would be like making my bed in an alligator nest! So I said to the Holy Spirit, ‘How did I make anxiety my partner?’ He said, ‘You wait until the last minute to get things done, until you feel anxiety. Once you feel anxiety, you’re motivated to accomplish tasks you have been neglecting.’ Light bulbs began to go off in my head as He revealed the partnership I had made with anxiety.”
These words are from The supernatural power of forgiveness, page 112.
I realised that I too had been leaving tasks that I knew needed doing, until I felt anxiety about an impending deadline. Then I used that anxiety as my motivation to do those tasks. I had believed the lie that it was the tasks themselves that caused me anxiety, so that I did not want to do them until I could put them off no longer. As a result, without realising it, I had deliberately chosen to leave things until the last minute. No wonder I had often felt under pressure. No wonder the important things, like the redesign of my Christian Books website, ended up on the long finger, just because they didn’t have a deadline set externally by someone else. No wonder that I worried that I would make mistakes, because I did things at the last minute.
I really had partnered with anxiety. I had let anxiety instead of God’s pleasure be my motivator. I had given control over to anxiety, control of what I did and when I did it. I had taken what was rightfully God’s and given it to anxiety. Psalm 51: 4 Against You, You only, have I sinned … I had seen anxiety as a friend, or at least as a helper. But the only Helper is the Holy Spirit. His help will never put me in bondage to any sort of anxiety, for His fruit is peace.
So I repented for having partnered with anxiety, I received God’s forgiveness, and in the name of Jesus I commanded all anxiety out of my life. Already I am amazed at how I can attend to and fully accomplish tasks before they become urgent. I had always feared that I would forget things, and I had hoped that anxiety about impending deadlines would remind me. That largely worked, but at great cost to me. Now I am discovering that the Holy Spirit is the great Reminder.
Maybe you don’t partner with anxiety in the way I did. But do you perhaps partner with other negative emotions? When I shared this revelation with a friend, she told me that God had been showing her that she had been partnering with anger to get housework done. What do you partner with?